Swollen eyes and a full heart!

   Wow...school started.. and it is already close to the end of the 1st semester!  How does this happen so fast?  I get bogged down thinking about all the things I wanted to do with my kids to make memories and for their learning!  And then I realize we have not even touched those ideas!  With my 4 older kids it is easy to see what they have achieved from year to year.  In all of their schooling and such it is so focused on what the next level of anything is.. reading.. math.. and so on.  But when  you have a child with any special needs that you are trying to make sure gets adequate attention and teaching from your school district, a lot of focus is what they are 'deficient' in.  I don't even blame the school or the staff anymore for encouraging a parent to point out all the areas of 'failure' or 'lack of ability'.  It is a poor design set at a district, city and state level.       This is one place it isn't really even the 'federal government's fault'.  At any rate, I have learned how some of the game is played.  It they are achieving too much, there is the possibility that you may loose the service you need for your child, that has helped them to be able to achieve whatever it is.  But is they are achieving too little, then there is the possibility you may loose that option or service as well, because frankly it is not doing any good to begin with.  These are the lovely things parents have to play out in their mind and be very strategic about when entering meetings regarding their kids.  As moms, we are designed to tell everything our kids are doing, to brag on these little guys.  We are so proud of them.  But in this environment, it is a fine line... It is something that just sits on my heart and if I think about it too much, just makes me sad...
     But this weekend.. It wasn't a sad weekend at all!  It was wonderful! It was full of the things we are achieving! Sometimes with Savannah, I will feel like we are stagnate.  We haven't moved forward.  However, what I know is that often means there is a biggie around the corner for us... Have you ever noticed how long a pot of water will have tiny almost bubbles, just surfacing.  And you are waiting for the big ones to start so you can drop that bag of rice in for '10 minutes!'.  It seems like forever!   Well, that is what I have been feeling lately.  We are just under the surface, doing the same thing.. but it seems like forever... Then... a BIG BOILING BUBBLE!!!!
     It started with a picture my mom sent me that actually had happened the weekend before.  Savannah spent the night with her and had gotten out of her bed in the morning.  My mom had not gone to look in her bed after she got her out of her room, until a few days later.  This is what she saw:

This is pretty big for us.  You see a doll in a bed.  I see Savannah playing with a doll, knowing it is suppose to be like a baby or her, putting it in the bed, on a pillow and getting a blanket to cover it up because we cover ourselves up in our beds.  HUGE!  I cried.. I know.. ridiculous:)
    The next think that happened was on Saturday.  We went with our Sunday school class to a neighborhood that has very little.  We go there to try and serve the people's hearts with the Lord's word and whatever need they may have at the time.  The park was filled with people.  I mean filled.

  I had Savannah in a swing and another mom from a class was with her 2 year old swinging.  She looked at Savannah and said, "what is your name sweetie?"  Normally this is where I have to step in and say, "her name is Savannah" then prompt her to wave or something to acknowledge the person speaking to us.  Then I usually feel the need to say, something about her using some sign and blablabla.. I intercede on her part.  But after the mom said that to Savannah, I turned to Savannah and she was signing her name!  OH MY GOODNESS!  She signed her name twice and then waved hi to the lady!  I was so proud of her.  She didn't need me to step in... I explained the usual to the lady and said, "This makes me so happy she did that!"  And ... then I cried...
After that moment, a little boy that lived in this area was just kind of running around without anyone watching him.  I didn't want him to get hit by a swing so I stepped slightly away from Savannah to grab him.  I heard her little fuss of  "I am not happy right now".  I heard the lady say, "Do you want out?" as she reached for her.. and I turned around and Savannah signed "No, swing please!"  OH MY GOODNESS!  Stop it already!  Are you serious!  The LORD picks this poor poor place... filled with needs of people... our family serving for His glory, to have Savannah basically say to me, "I've got this mom!"  Are you kidding me!  So then I looked at her and....I cried...
  I mean seriously!  I could barely contain myself!
Yesterday was Savannah's 2nd choir concert.  It was with 4-5 year olds.  The first one, last year.  Well, it was HORRIBLE!  I was sweating and wanted to cry.  She would hum along with the songs at home and in class but once we were in front of people MELT DOWN!  It was a scene of scenes for sure.  So this one was in a bigger room, with more people.  In the chapel on risers.  We dressed insanely cute just in case we had to use that as a reason to not be completely annoyed with our behavior.  The program begins... seriously.. is this happening.. we are standing just like all the kids(I was on the end for a fast get away).  Wait, we are even moving with the music.. and I even see a little moving of the mouth(in the car she sings all the words.. in her way.. but you can hear her)..

and now we are even doing a few hand motions..This performance feels like it is going on forever... I am waiting for the moment that we have to excuse ourselves..here it is.. no.. wait... no.. 'Mary resting...' are the words.. Savannah lays down on the riser because we lay down to rest!  I AM THE PROUDEST MOM EVER(mind you no other kids laid down).. she gets up... now I am thinking we are going to have to leave.. I am sure tears are coming.. but no... we are jumping with other kids to the jump for joy song... ok.. we are really hanging in there.. oh.. .uh..oh.. we have our dress over our head.. we are playing peak a boo with the audience... I don't care.. we are not crying, freaking out or any of that!  We are having fun!!!  I was so proud of her.  At the end I said, "Savannah you did so good!  Do you want a piece of candy?" Then she signed  candy please about 20 times!  And as we were walking out and all my dear friends that know my heart say, "She did so good", I took a moment.... to cry!
    And then this morning, my mom tells me that Savannah was 'Spot on' with her speech therapist(that we adore...) this morning, and goes on to share another story with me.  She tells me that the other day Savannah was at her house and in her 'mood'.  This is when she literally gets into everything.  There is like, no stopping the kid.  She had found all these crosses that hang up at my moms.  When my mom noticed some where gone, she looks at Savannah and says, "Savannah, where is the little cross?"  This was not really a question, but more of a 'seriously Savannah??'  With that, Savannah walks her across the house, into another room, opens a closet door and get the 'little cross' off of a ledge and shows my mom.  And... you guessed it.. I cried..
So, my eyes may look swollen, but that is just because they are matching my heart this is full this weekend!