October 17th, it came and went. I cannot believe I am behind! It is an important day for the Sparks' family. We all celebrate birthdays, right! We celebrate Christmas, the birth of Christ. We celebrate Easter, new everlasting life. We celebrate a lot of things! But our family is so incredibly fortunate to celebrate hope, thankfulness, faith and family. I will post what this day is about, but then add some thoughts that I have after another year of reflecting and living...
________________________________________________
6 years ago today(Oct 17th), we had a 15 day old baby. She seemed perfect to us. She was thriving, she was getting chubby. She
was just like a little baby doll we had brought home from the hospital! She had
the adventure of being in the NICU for about a week. But in the NICU she was
still a healthy little baby. She had some things about her that puzzled the
doctors and of course the geneticist. So of course they decided to run a few
tests. Mainly ‘rule’ out certain things. So the doctors say to us, “Do not
worry. We will have results in about a week. The Geneticist says to us, “We are
looking for ABC, ABCD, ABCDE, ABCDEF and ABCDEFG. But whatever you do, do NOT
look it up on the internet. So as parents we hear, “You will painfully wait to
hear horrible news.” And “If you look this up on the Internet you will know
that your life is changed forever and the horror will about do you in!” So what
do we do? We go to the ‘tree’ and eat the ‘fruit’. We get more knowledge and
images in our head then we know what to do with. We plead for days, literally
on our knees. I remember seeing knee prints in the carpet on the side of my bed
every morning when I forced myself to get up. I had heard people talk about
‘falling to their knees in prayer for their children.’ I now was experiencing
it in my life. I pleaded with the Lord on behalf of my baby, on behalf of
myself and husband, but also on behalf of my other children. That was honestly
the longest week of my life(it was about 2 weeks actually). I prayed so much,
‘Lord don’t let her have this or that.
Lord show me what we will look like as a family if she has this.’
So
the week went on. I was able to put a smile on my face. As people brought
dinner and awed over my new baby, I was able to keep the anxiety hidden(I
thought anyway).
So,
then Friday comes. 4:50 has arrived and we still have not heard anything from
our pediatrician who has become the messenger. I grabbed Chloe to go get
Slurpies down the street. Just a little 5 year old girl, thrilled to have
another little sister, she had no idea what was going to happen that day. And
she has never forgotten. As we pulled up to 7/11, I looked at my phone. I
needed to make sure it was on. Surely I had missed the call from the doctor. No
luck. We walked in to get the Slurpies for Chloe and the 3 little ones. My mom
was with everyone else at the house. All I could think was, at 5pm on Friday
the doctor will go home and I will hear nothing until Monday! As we were
walking out with a tray of drinks, my phone rings. It is the pediatrician. He
tells me ALL the test results are negative. I hear “You painfully waited to
hear wonderful news.” And “You don’t have to live through the horrible images
you saw on the internet and your life will not take this turn!” And all I could
say was “PRAISE GOD!” In fact I screamed it! I looked at Chloe and said it over
and over! She looked at me and said, “Do we need to pray?” I said, “Yes!” She
had an amazing Kindergarten teacher that allowed and encouraged her class to
pray on their knees. So she set the drinks down and got on her knees at 7/11. I
followed suit. We prayed in thanksgiving for what the Lord had answered. Chloe didn't know what it was all about. She just knew that it meant her baby sister
was going to be ok. I called my husband
and mom and could barely talk. I got
home and couldn't stop crying and loving on our new baby.
What I learned that day, was that
the Lord comes when He knows you need Him. I wanted Him to answer these
questions earlier. I wanted to never have had to ask these questions. I wanted
it
all to happen then. But I would
have missed my knees raw from kneeling in prayer for my family. I would have
missed the rejoicing in a parking lot while people just stopped and stared. I
would have missed the sweet sweet moment with Chloe as she, a 5 year old, lead
me to the ground to humble ourselves in rejoice!
I also learned that although those
prayers were answered, we still have obstacles ahead of us. That although my
sweet 6 year old didn't have ‘ABD ABCD ABCDE ABCDEF’ she still will be
challenged in so many ways as she grows and learns. And when one person in your
family is challenged, we all are. But I still KNOW that HE answered our prayers
on that day.
My children(prayerfully) will most likely not have a
shocking testimony of coming to Christ. They have been living in Christ and He
in them since they were conceived. But what I pray they all, including my 6 year old will have, is the testimony of Him answering prayers. The testimony of
knowing when we go to Him the answer is in Him. Knowing that without Him, we
can do nothing.
So, ever since this day, in 2008, we have made a point to
sit down and write a letter of thankfulness to someone in our lives that we are
thankful for. The kids are precious in what they write and who they send it to.
I usually help Savannah :)
It is hard for me to narrow it down. I have about 100 letters I could write
every year. But I realized who I am thankful for beyond words…JESUS. Thank You for Your forgiveness when I doubt.
Thank You for showing up, when I feel I cannot. Thank You for the amazing
miracles you have given me in my life. Thank You for the perfect little baby
you sent me 6 years ago and all the heart ache, laughter and joy that has come
alongside her.
___________________________________________
I want to share a couple of thoughts..
1) I was so upset with myself when I realized, we missed our own day of celebration! But as I thought about it, I laughed. I laughed in happiness of missing it. What I realized is Savannah is so 'just another typical Sparks' kid' in so many ways, that we just have moved along. That actually makes me happy! No huge events that have caused us to need to stop life. In fact, she is thriving at her new school!
2) The other thing is, I wanted to see what the Bible really tells us about what it means to be thankful. I mean we say thank you about many things, our drink at Chic fil A, someone running toilet paper to the paperless bathroom(maybe just my house), when the light turns green and you really needed to be some place 5 minutes ago. But what does it look like to be thankful to the Lord. This is what I came up with after looking in my very warn out Bible(seriously, I need to take it to the Bible doctor):
In Psalm 100:4, David says, “Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name.” What we should see if that a thankful heart is ready to give thanks at anytime, because we have a redeemer who is ready to hold us ALL the time. Later in Psalm 103:1-5, David goes on and nudges us, “Bless the LORD, O my soul, And all that is within me, bless His holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget none of His benefits; Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases; Who
redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with loving kindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.”
I really cannot compete with those words in the Bible. I think that sums it up pretty well. I am so thankful for all my children, my dedicated husband and my amazing God who heals us in so many ways. And Savannah Jane Sparks. She is a gift, a joy, an amazing opportunity to see God's perfect creation in an imperfect world. The joy and laughter she has for life blows me away. When I see how much harder she works then anyone else in our family to do stuff, she does it with a little sas and a lot of joy. Honestly the J in her middle name could easily have stood for Joy. So as I sit down and write a little note to my 'thankful for person' this year, I realize there are SO many people I am thankful for. I am thankful for EVERY person who loves my daughter. Who rejoices in her accomplishments, who prays on her behalf, who hurt when she struggles. And I am so thankful for all those people who have yet to come. Who haven't had the touch of the spicy little red head we call Nana Jane, but are sure to be blessed by her later in life... all in God's timing!
No comments:
Post a Comment