When our kids are little, they tend to want to invite all their friends to their birthday party. They throw in names that you have never heard of. Possibly imaginary friends. Those are the best, they are always available and they don't cost any money. As they get older 2 factors come into play. 1 of course is money. We cannot invite 20 people to a birthday every year. Even when it is hot dogs and cupcakes topped off with jumping on the trampoline in our own backyard. The other part is our kids starting to enjoy smaller groups of friends, at different times. I have always encouraged my children that when they are invited to a party, that they should feel honored. Most likely their friend was given a number of maybe 5 or 10 friends they could invite. On the other hand, when they find out they have not been invited to a party, I also remind them that it doesn't mean that friend doesn't care about them. I remind them that someone else being invited shouldn't make them sad or miserable. They should be happy that person was extended an invitation. We never know who might have been invited, and that was the only birthday party they were asked to go to all year. The reality is, we all can at times have that feeling of 'why didn't they ask me?'. I often struggle year after year with my own kids in this regard. One year I got talked into inviting almost an entire grade, when my twins said "If we ask for donations for Uganda can we invite everyone?" I mean, how do you say no to that? And it was fantastic! Then a few years later one of my kids came to me and said, "I really just want to have 3 people over for my birthday." They knew how they loved that one on one time. I suppose it is easy for me to remind them to be ok with not getting invited to something and rejoicing when they are, because they do get invited to parties.
Then there is our littlest. She is in a special education class for most of her day, and then integrates into a general education class for a couple of subjects. Her school is precious to her and the students have the kindest hearts. She is known by everyone (I am not sure if that is always for a good reason or not) and when I am with her we always hear kids shout out "Hi Savannah!" She can't tell me their names, but I can tell in her smile and her eyes she knows they are her friends. When she was younger, she too fell in that category of where we all got invited to little parties. But once elementary school hit things changed. For one, special education is so protected that it is hard to make connections with parents. You don't get a class list and you are not volunteering in the classroom. For a lot of these kiddos they are not able to tell you the names of the kids around them. You are at the mercy of running into someone at pick up and maybe making a connection. In general education class, your special education child is again protected so you cannot guarantee they are on lists that may go out to the parents. It is one of those situation where the protection is for the betterment of your child. However it feels sometimes like it leads to seclusion.
Fortunately for us we have made a precious connection a few years back with a sweet family in similar shoes to ours. So I don't want anyone to think our littlest doesn't have any friends that we know well. But, the invitations are slow to come. And as a parent with 5 kids, I completely understand that. In fact there are many parties that to be quite honest Savannah wouldn't enjoy or really understand. So all of this is not to be taken as pity needed or upset. It is more of a 'it is what it is'. Last year we had 2 sweet invitations extended to us from her grade. It was so kind and generous. And to be honest Savannah didn't seem to react to the invitation. However, my other children were thrilled for her. They wouldn't stop talking about how she was invited to these parties. She had a fun time and it was fantastic for me because I had a chance to meet some of the kids and parents.
Well, here we are in April and she ended up with an invitation in her backpack. I had not thought anything about parties until I opened it. I realized this was the first one all year she had been invited to from school. My heart was over joyed. I didn't read it to her, but one of her sisters saw it and did. Savannah got so excited. She really understood what it was all about. She had a blast. She did everything everyone else did. And she devoured the cupcake. One little girl that always reaches out to Savannah was there. I had the chance to watch Savannah actually go get her to do something with her at the party. These little things are huge. But what I loved was that I got to meet this little girl's father and let him know what a blessing his daughter is, and how grateful we are for her heart. I also was able to thank the mom of the little birthday kiddo who invited us. That little piece of paper was a precious extension of kindness and love.
We cannot always ask everyone to everything. Our kids also need to be able to just be and relax. But when was the last time you extended an invitation? When was the last time you asked someone to join you for lunch that maybe hasn't made a connection? When was the last time you engaged with someone that looked a little alone in a public place with tons of people around? Our kids are watching... they learn from us.... that invitation could be the first step of many to inviting them to walk with the Lord, just by seeing what you are doing....
I know I need to extend more daily invitations....
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